Posts Tagged ‘sexuality’

i havent bothered with punctuation, sorry


do men(or ANYONE) respect women who fuck?
sure we hear songs of appreciation for sexually active and attractive women
but does that appreciation carry over
should it matter

when pussy, not sex you will note) is a commodity it does on the one hand, signal that we consider it a thing of value

and there are valid reasons why a woman may want her shit to be considered value as in many cultures, ones sexual availability and fertility were al a woman had to offer (we SEEN as having to offer) it makes some sense because without a doubt, sexual activity has historically been more risky for women than men. a man can fuck and go, a woman runs the risk of pregnancy and bearing and caring for a child.she has a lot of potential material and opportunity costs, compared to almost none for a man. (men will say that they may have to pay child support. even now that is not a sure thing and lets not simpyl consider here and now, but human history. only one parent can disappear and abandon an unborn child)

so expecting a downpayment or some earnest money, a retainer so to speak, for having sex makes sense for women.

however seeing pussy as a commodity to be traded puts women at a disadvantage in these times

We have a problem with men carping that they want women who arent demanding.
men who would like sex with no strings; free sex.the value of an object, or the PRICE of an object is not innate or inherent. price is a function of demand (and supply). somnething is worth what someone else is willing to pay for it.
this puts women in a bind. a woman who, for one reason or another is willing to engage in free sex (she doesnt want to be married, doesnt need money, has no desire for children or even a relationship) is on the one hand “providing” men with what they want, free pussy.
so many men will be pleased and seek out such women for the free sex.

how many times have we all heard someone say “he only wants her for sex?” what is the problem with that exactly? if all she wants is dick, is there something wrong with him wnting her only for pussy?

well,since sex is not seen as a mutally enjoyable activity so much as a transaction, the woman is seen as , um, getting the short end of the stick. she is “getting” a worthless item (dick) in exchange for a valuable commodity (pussy). there are few people who are able to truly see a woman who has sex with a man who wants he only for sex and offering her nothing but sex, as not being taken advantage of or exploited.

So 1. Woman is not respected by the man or society as a whole because she has willingly allowed herself to be exploited and cheated.

Additionally, even a man who wants free sex has a hard time letting go of the notion that pussy is a commodity.Heis glad to get it free, but does he consider himself being part of a mutually pleasurable activity or as someone who got over and got something for nothing.Usually it is the latter. People assume that price and worth are the same thing. THe lower the price of something, the lower they believe the worth to be.

2. Women who give pussy away are assumed to have pussy that has no value.Therefor the woman herself is seen as having no or little value.

These are the choices, usually it isnt one or the other but a mixture of two.You are either a fool for giving away something value. Or you are not a fool, but simply have no value.

It irritates me greatly when I hear peple say, “she just gave it away”, “she gave him some’. It is as if pussy is not only a commodity but finite, and every bit of snatch snatched from her diminishes her stock of pussy.

Tonight I think I will do dancing. I remember what someone said about a friend who “let men rub on her”. Funny isnt it, her breasts and buttocks are being fondled. I would say tat she is the one receiving pleasure. His hand is being stimulated, her erogenous zones are. I’d say she was the one who got lucky, not him. But remember, pussy is a commodity. By allowing him to touch her she was “giving away” something that she should have been exchanging. And dick isnt a commodity, remember, so she has to exchange it for love or money or at least a drink and a promise to see a movie one day.

It also reduces woman to a nonsexual being. If dick has no value in the genital market, then one logical assumption is because there is no demand for it. (Or that the supply is really really really great. Which it is, any woman can get some.)If there is no female demand for dick what does this say about our perceptions of women’s desire? That we are simply owners of something men want, but that we ourselves are not sexual beings who can want and desire phallus? If I fuck a man, why is HE not the one getting used? Why does no one say that he has given away his goodies?

I for one, am sick of it!
Let me now address the issue of “respect”. What do people mean by that? What does it mean when we say, “If you give it up too easily, men won’t respect you. People won’t respect you.” Why should women care?

There are, as I see it, 2 issues. The first is of desirability. The second is of respect.

When people say that a man won’t respect you, the bottom line is that he wont WANT you. He won’t want you for anything other than sex. You are desirable as a sex object but not as relationship material. A ho, not a housewife, someone that a man wont take home to his mother.

Should this matter? I will use myself as an example since I can speak knowlegably and honestly about my feelings, and can only guess about those of other women. If I meet a man and we have sex the first night and then he decides he no longer has interest in me how should I feel? If all I wanted was sex and all he wanted was sex, if it ends there I see no reason to be upset. It is entirely possible that a man and I can have a mutual sexual attraction yet for myriad reasons have no interest in launching or continuing a relationship.If we entered into this honestly and neither had ulterior motives or secretly desired more, its fine. Why SHOULD he want me? Why should I want him?

If he and I have sex on the first date and SOLELY because of this he rejects me as relationship material, that can be unpleasant. I see where men say that if a woman gives it up too soon, she is forever nothing but fuck material for them. How very insulting. HE too had sex with her on the first date, why is she now beneath him? No pun intended.Are they not equally lacking in whatever it is the man wishes the woman to have? Why would he say she should not expect him to take her home to mom, as if she would desire to meet the mother of some man who was a slut and gave it up the first night.

Why a grown woman should have to pretend to not like a man,have to be coy and play cat and mouse games baffles me.

I know men who have had quadruple the partners I have had who still look down on women who have a lot of partners. I hate the hypocrisy.So if a man were to reject me solely because of the body count,as I call it, I would find it unsettling if he had more partners than I had and considered it acceptable because he was male. If he hadn’t, I’d take into consideration that we have different views on sexuality, and I wouldnt be hurt, I’d consider us a bad match due to different values.

So as far as desirability is concerned, I would not let it bother me- either he and I arent ready or desiring of a relationship and he is free to not want me anymore, or he doesnt desire me because I was easy and his small minded hypocrisy would be such a turn off that I’d be glad to be rid of him. On a societal level, I think the whole idea of “damaged goods” needs to end. I mean come on, men talk about women being doorknobs and bikes. They look down on the woman they ran a train on, but don’t seem to think ill of the men who lined up to be #8 and come after 7 of their buddies. Right.

On a larger scale, respect of one’s peers is important. Women lose jobs because of perceptions about their sexuality.They lose their children in custody cases. Their kids are teased. I mean, hell, “hijo de puta”, “son of a bitch” it seems our worst epithets refer not to the flaws of the person we are insulting, but to the sexual morals of their mothers.
Society isn’t merely content to punish women, but their families too. Fortunately in the US honor killings aren’t a big deal. But we do seem to turn a blind eye to rape and mistreatment of women who have lost our respect by being too sexually free.

So yes, we should care for those reasons.

People ask me when I say these things, what about MY girls? What would i teach them? Would I want them to be sluts and whores? Freaks? Descaras? Gatas? Locas? Bandoleras? Nasty Girls?

My elder daughter is 13. I will NOT teach her to guard her vagina as if it were the Queen’s jewels. I will teach her that people are often backwards, provincial and extremely prudish. And that as much as possible she should avoid dealing with men who feel that her pussy is (y’all HATE me using that word to refer to my child’s girl regions, don’t you?) a commodity to be traded and that, by extension, they can one day own and control. I will tell her that there are men and women who will not respect her if she has sex without demanding proper payment, whether it be in the form of material things or commitment; but that she is absolutely not obligated to demand compensation.That cultural norms are just that, cultural.And that sometimes we feel the best thing to do is what we feel is right and feel regret that those around us dont share those values.

quite by accident, i found this online

updated 5/16/2009
I found this on Salon.com this morning and it resonated with me.

The Virginity Fetish- Salon.Com

So, what’s so harmful about the idea of women “losing” their virginity?

It means that we’ve lost something that we can’t get back. It ties us, and our morality, to our bodies in this way that makes me really uncomfortable. You don’t hear people talking about men “losing it” in quite the same way.

For a man it’s an accomplishment, not something lost?

Right. As a woman, you have something of value and you’re supposed to hang on to it for as long as you possibly can until you get an appropriately shiny ring to “give it up for.” There’s real commodification there.

What do you think about the young woman who auctioned off her virginity?

I don’t know why we’re so surprised by it. This is going to sound terrible, but that’s essentially the same thing the abstinence movement is saying: “Hold off until you can auction off your virginity to the person with the biggest ring.” It’s really the same thing, only done in a more explicit and economically honest way.

Right, “I’m already a fallen woman, so why not have fun?”

So, here’s a pressing question: Is it possible nowadays to be both the wife and the whore? [Cracks up] I mean, is there a way to embrace both of those roles — to be the committed wife and the sexually driven woman?

Within your relationship you can do whatever you want. But I don’t know if there is a way, culturally, to do that. I’m racking my brain trying to see if there are any examples. I don’t know that there are.

I’m thinking about Maxim-style celebrities, and I can’t think of any who are sexual and respected in a real way.

No, I can only think of sex symbols who are respected in a guys-wanna-fuck-her way. Maybe Angelina Jolie. But she’s an oddity.

Well, that’s a depressing note to end on.

I’m gonna go out and have a drink.

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