Posts Tagged ‘feminism’

i havent bothered with punctuation, sorry


do men(or ANYONE) respect women who fuck?
sure we hear songs of appreciation for sexually active and attractive women
but does that appreciation carry over
should it matter

when pussy, not sex you will note) is a commodity it does on the one hand, signal that we consider it a thing of value

and there are valid reasons why a woman may want her shit to be considered value as in many cultures, ones sexual availability and fertility were al a woman had to offer (we SEEN as having to offer) it makes some sense because without a doubt, sexual activity has historically been more risky for women than men. a man can fuck and go, a woman runs the risk of pregnancy and bearing and caring for a child.she has a lot of potential material and opportunity costs, compared to almost none for a man. (men will say that they may have to pay child support. even now that is not a sure thing and lets not simpyl consider here and now, but human history. only one parent can disappear and abandon an unborn child)

so expecting a downpayment or some earnest money, a retainer so to speak, for having sex makes sense for women.

however seeing pussy as a commodity to be traded puts women at a disadvantage in these times

We have a problem with men carping that they want women who arent demanding.
men who would like sex with no strings; free sex.the value of an object, or the PRICE of an object is not innate or inherent. price is a function of demand (and supply). somnething is worth what someone else is willing to pay for it.
this puts women in a bind. a woman who, for one reason or another is willing to engage in free sex (she doesnt want to be married, doesnt need money, has no desire for children or even a relationship) is on the one hand “providing” men with what they want, free pussy.
so many men will be pleased and seek out such women for the free sex.

how many times have we all heard someone say “he only wants her for sex?” what is the problem with that exactly? if all she wants is dick, is there something wrong with him wnting her only for pussy?

well,since sex is not seen as a mutally enjoyable activity so much as a transaction, the woman is seen as , um, getting the short end of the stick. she is “getting” a worthless item (dick) in exchange for a valuable commodity (pussy). there are few people who are able to truly see a woman who has sex with a man who wants he only for sex and offering her nothing but sex, as not being taken advantage of or exploited.

So 1. Woman is not respected by the man or society as a whole because she has willingly allowed herself to be exploited and cheated.

Additionally, even a man who wants free sex has a hard time letting go of the notion that pussy is a commodity.Heis glad to get it free, but does he consider himself being part of a mutually pleasurable activity or as someone who got over and got something for nothing.Usually it is the latter. People assume that price and worth are the same thing. THe lower the price of something, the lower they believe the worth to be.

2. Women who give pussy away are assumed to have pussy that has no value.Therefor the woman herself is seen as having no or little value.

These are the choices, usually it isnt one or the other but a mixture of two.You are either a fool for giving away something value. Or you are not a fool, but simply have no value.

It irritates me greatly when I hear peple say, “she just gave it away”, “she gave him some’. It is as if pussy is not only a commodity but finite, and every bit of snatch snatched from her diminishes her stock of pussy.

Tonight I think I will do dancing. I remember what someone said about a friend who “let men rub on her”. Funny isnt it, her breasts and buttocks are being fondled. I would say tat she is the one receiving pleasure. His hand is being stimulated, her erogenous zones are. I’d say she was the one who got lucky, not him. But remember, pussy is a commodity. By allowing him to touch her she was “giving away” something that she should have been exchanging. And dick isnt a commodity, remember, so she has to exchange it for love or money or at least a drink and a promise to see a movie one day.

It also reduces woman to a nonsexual being. If dick has no value in the genital market, then one logical assumption is because there is no demand for it. (Or that the supply is really really really great. Which it is, any woman can get some.)If there is no female demand for dick what does this say about our perceptions of women’s desire? That we are simply owners of something men want, but that we ourselves are not sexual beings who can want and desire phallus? If I fuck a man, why is HE not the one getting used? Why does no one say that he has given away his goodies?

I for one, am sick of it!
Let me now address the issue of “respect”. What do people mean by that? What does it mean when we say, “If you give it up too easily, men won’t respect you. People won’t respect you.” Why should women care?

There are, as I see it, 2 issues. The first is of desirability. The second is of respect.

When people say that a man won’t respect you, the bottom line is that he wont WANT you. He won’t want you for anything other than sex. You are desirable as a sex object but not as relationship material. A ho, not a housewife, someone that a man wont take home to his mother.

Should this matter? I will use myself as an example since I can speak knowlegably and honestly about my feelings, and can only guess about those of other women. If I meet a man and we have sex the first night and then he decides he no longer has interest in me how should I feel? If all I wanted was sex and all he wanted was sex, if it ends there I see no reason to be upset. It is entirely possible that a man and I can have a mutual sexual attraction yet for myriad reasons have no interest in launching or continuing a relationship.If we entered into this honestly and neither had ulterior motives or secretly desired more, its fine. Why SHOULD he want me? Why should I want him?

If he and I have sex on the first date and SOLELY because of this he rejects me as relationship material, that can be unpleasant. I see where men say that if a woman gives it up too soon, she is forever nothing but fuck material for them. How very insulting. HE too had sex with her on the first date, why is she now beneath him? No pun intended.Are they not equally lacking in whatever it is the man wishes the woman to have? Why would he say she should not expect him to take her home to mom, as if she would desire to meet the mother of some man who was a slut and gave it up the first night.

Why a grown woman should have to pretend to not like a man,have to be coy and play cat and mouse games baffles me.

I know men who have had quadruple the partners I have had who still look down on women who have a lot of partners. I hate the hypocrisy.So if a man were to reject me solely because of the body count,as I call it, I would find it unsettling if he had more partners than I had and considered it acceptable because he was male. If he hadn’t, I’d take into consideration that we have different views on sexuality, and I wouldnt be hurt, I’d consider us a bad match due to different values.

So as far as desirability is concerned, I would not let it bother me- either he and I arent ready or desiring of a relationship and he is free to not want me anymore, or he doesnt desire me because I was easy and his small minded hypocrisy would be such a turn off that I’d be glad to be rid of him. On a societal level, I think the whole idea of “damaged goods” needs to end. I mean come on, men talk about women being doorknobs and bikes. They look down on the woman they ran a train on, but don’t seem to think ill of the men who lined up to be #8 and come after 7 of their buddies. Right.

On a larger scale, respect of one’s peers is important. Women lose jobs because of perceptions about their sexuality.They lose their children in custody cases. Their kids are teased. I mean, hell, “hijo de puta”, “son of a bitch” it seems our worst epithets refer not to the flaws of the person we are insulting, but to the sexual morals of their mothers.
Society isn’t merely content to punish women, but their families too. Fortunately in the US honor killings aren’t a big deal. But we do seem to turn a blind eye to rape and mistreatment of women who have lost our respect by being too sexually free.

So yes, we should care for those reasons.

People ask me when I say these things, what about MY girls? What would i teach them? Would I want them to be sluts and whores? Freaks? Descaras? Gatas? Locas? Bandoleras? Nasty Girls?

My elder daughter is 13. I will NOT teach her to guard her vagina as if it were the Queen’s jewels. I will teach her that people are often backwards, provincial and extremely prudish. And that as much as possible she should avoid dealing with men who feel that her pussy is (y’all HATE me using that word to refer to my child’s girl regions, don’t you?) a commodity to be traded and that, by extension, they can one day own and control. I will tell her that there are men and women who will not respect her if she has sex without demanding proper payment, whether it be in the form of material things or commitment; but that she is absolutely not obligated to demand compensation.That cultural norms are just that, cultural.And that sometimes we feel the best thing to do is what we feel is right and feel regret that those around us dont share those values.

quite by accident, i found this online

updated 5/16/2009
I found this on Salon.com this morning and it resonated with me.

The Virginity Fetish- Salon.Com

So, what’s so harmful about the idea of women “losing” their virginity?

It means that we’ve lost something that we can’t get back. It ties us, and our morality, to our bodies in this way that makes me really uncomfortable. You don’t hear people talking about men “losing it” in quite the same way.

For a man it’s an accomplishment, not something lost?

Right. As a woman, you have something of value and you’re supposed to hang on to it for as long as you possibly can until you get an appropriately shiny ring to “give it up for.” There’s real commodification there.

What do you think about the young woman who auctioned off her virginity?

I don’t know why we’re so surprised by it. This is going to sound terrible, but that’s essentially the same thing the abstinence movement is saying: “Hold off until you can auction off your virginity to the person with the biggest ring.” It’s really the same thing, only done in a more explicit and economically honest way.

Right, “I’m already a fallen woman, so why not have fun?”

So, here’s a pressing question: Is it possible nowadays to be both the wife and the whore? [Cracks up] I mean, is there a way to embrace both of those roles — to be the committed wife and the sexually driven woman?

Within your relationship you can do whatever you want. But I don’t know if there is a way, culturally, to do that. I’m racking my brain trying to see if there are any examples. I don’t know that there are.

I’m thinking about Maxim-style celebrities, and I can’t think of any who are sexual and respected in a real way.

No, I can only think of sex symbols who are respected in a guys-wanna-fuck-her way. Maybe Angelina Jolie. But she’s an oddity.

Well, that’s a depressing note to end on.

I’m gonna go out and have a drink.

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(this focuses on the lyrics,I’ll get to the music in another post)

I admit, I’m not a fan of the female voice in general. The female singers I like, tend to have deeper lower voices. In effect,they sound like men.

But I love my girl Ivy Queen.I will even overlook her use of my name “Bandolera”,though really she has a ton of other monikers she could use instead of mine : La Diva, La Potra, La Caballota. We even kinda look alike, if I were to lose too much weight and wear more makeup. BUT I AIN’T HATING.

People talk about her looks, and yeah, maybe her fashion is a bit in need of CHANGE but the girl has bust her ass working in a very sexist ,male -dominated industry, has had to take care of herself and I THINK an ill mother. (I’m sure I heard this once) The pressure to not just rap, but be hot and pretty is enormous. Who wouldn’t starve, get implants, buy hair etc. Whatever it takes.Don Omar and Hector don’t have to be skinny. Jon Eric doesn’t have to be skinny. Calle13 don’t have to go buy tits to keep the fans from saying they aren’t attractive. Daddy Yankee doesn’t need weave and who cares if Tego has naps.But let a WOMAN be fat,black and nappy headed…

So I’m kind of like, “Yeah, she looks a lil tired and bedraggled. So what?”. I don’t even know her,but I’m protective of her. She is US, every woman.ME! Tired, overworked, stressed, getting old in a world that worships youth, dealing with heartbreak and the glass ceiling but she’s fuckin’ DOING IT!!!! I got nothin’ but love for her.

Most women I know love Ivy Queen because she says what we women want to say. She lashes out at the no-good ,dog ass men who have broken her heart and mistreated her and then, she goes on to have FUN anyway. Pffttttt to them!

Now, one thing that bothers me a little is the focus on ,”You dogged me,left me lonely but now I have another man and you are crying for me”. To me, it still makes it as if having a man is the focus of life and without one, any one, that a woman cannot be happy. I mean, can he not dump her and then she be happy and alone and he not be crying for her? Is our happiness as women dependent upon the men who hurt us being forlorn and rejected by us later?

But, on the other hand, how many songs are there where the dude is carrying on and on about how he is all that and wonderful and how no man can compare? As an Answer, the songs of Ivy Queen are perfect. Burst the guys’ little egocentric cocksure bubbles; let them know that there are more where they came from. Or as I say,”Honey, there is an island full of you and as far as I know, your model is still in production.Everyday little boys are being born, there IS no shortage”.

And the men sing the same sort of spurned,scorned lover revenge fantasies so I cut her some slack. Anyway,c’mon, lets admit it- We all do kind of want the person who breaks our heart to later be gripped with ferocious remorse and regret and then pine away for us as we dance our nights away with someone WAY better. And um, yeah, we look GOOD AS HELL as we perreo all night long with the new person. Eat your heart out.

So go on girl! When they are dogging women left and right, crying about “abusadora” and how wronged they are, speak out for US, your girls!

Quiero Bailar

See, I LOVE to dance. Salsa,merengue,bachata, reggaeton. Sometimes cumbia. And I dance pretty well and a bit provocatively. Usually its not a problem, other dancers dance pegao and understand that its A DANCE and it means NOTHING.Has nothing to do with morals, sexual desire or availability. We dance friki friki because we like to dance. Punto.

Yo quiero bailar
Tu quieres sudar
Y pegarte a mi
El cuerpo rozar
Yo te digo si tu me puedes provocar
Eso no quiere decir que pa la cama voy

…Que los dos tengamos que sudar que sudar
Que bailemos al ritmo del tra tra
Que me haga fuerte suspirar suspirar
Pero pa la cama digo mira na na na

Porque yo soy la que mando
Soy la que decide cuando vamos al mambo
Y tu lo sabes
El ritmo me esta llevando
Mientras mas te pegas mas te voy azotando y eso
esta bien

A mi no me importa lo que muchos digan
Si muevo mi cintura de abajo para arriba
Si soy de barrio o tal vez soy una chica fina
Si en la discoteca te me pegas y te animas

Dile- An answer to Don Omar’s “Dile”.

“You want me to tell him that I’m in love with you? Ok, then tell HER that we’re in love”. Men want u to declare that you belong to them,but then they ain’t quite ready to cut off THEIR other action to do the same for you.

Porque no le dices que nos queremos (queremos)
Y que yo te toco (toco)
Y que de eso tu sabes que te vuelves loco
Y acercate suave pa tenerme a mi.

Que tu me quieres y que yo soy tu nena
Y que todas las noches te pasas pensando en mi
No se si es un castigo o un gran problema
No importa el que diran si yo vivo pensando en ti.

Te He Querido Te He Llorado-

Man, I couldn’t have taken the crap she did.I’d have walked over and whapped him, his head would be bouncing off the side of that chair.I always feel sorry for the character in the video. I mean, she looks like CRAP and her man is dogging her. “LOOK AT YOU GIRL!! LOOK AT THE OTHER CHICKS!! OF COURSE HE’S CHEATING!!”. But you know what it is, she’s so VULNERABLE.She comes off hard, but she says always, “I’m a woman, I love you, you hurt me”. How can you NOT feel for her, no matter HOW hard she appears? Even a bad girl is still a girl.

Te he querido, te he llorada baby
Y la vida te he entregado
Y tu te burlas de mi, me haces sufrir
Me mientes asi
No soy de hierro
Yo soy una mujer
Y ahora vas a entender
Cuando me veas con el
Sufriras como yo asi tu lo veras
Y en tu vida nadie te quedra
Lo que hiciste me la pagaras
Si en mis manos tuviera un puñal lo usaria
Y la vida yo te quitaria
Por dejarme tan sola y vacia
Por mi madre que te arrastraria, vida mia (dale)
Todas las promesas ya se acabo
El fuego que quemaba se apago
Los besos que me dabas se los llevo
Nada quedo ahora vengo yo

Tuya Soy-
Shes telling her man, she’s his, but that she isn’t quite so stupid that she believes him when he declares his love since the evidence says he’s out catting.
And love or no love, she’ll be OUT if he cant get it together.

Ya yo me cansé que me digan mentiras,
No quiero un hombre que me venga a engañar;
Tu sabes que tuya yo soy
Y mi corazón yo te doy.

Tu me dices
Me dices que me quieres y me amas
que como yo nadie te roza en tu cama
pero porque tiene esa marca en tu piel (oh yeah)

Ese lapíz de labio
Explicame de donde salió
Porque esa no soy yo
Tanto cariño que te doy
Acaricio tus cabellos
Y los besos que te doy (que te doy)

Ahora tu me tienes que explicar
Porque si yo te amo tanto
Tu me tienes que engañar y jurar:
“Mami yo solo te quiero a ti
yo no tengo mas ninguna
porque tu eres para mi
you’re my queen”

Espero que las noticias que vienen hasta mi
Todas sean positivas
O tu lo vas a sentir
Pa’ que no juegues con las mujeres
Y mucho menos con un corazon que te quiere
Si para ti todo es juego que te entretiene
Pues hasta aqui llega lo nuestro
Y no te me alteres, no te quejes

Cuando no me vengas
Tu te vas a lamentar
De una vez te digo
Que tu te arrepentiras
No tendras mis besos
Ni tampoco mis caricias
Ni la forma que lo muevo
A la hora de bailar

Tu me dices
Me dices que me quieres y me amas
que como yo nadie te roza en tu cama
pero porque tiene la marca en tu piel

Si me dicen
Mis amigas que te vieron en la disco
Hablame claro
No te pases de listo
Si yo me entero se que vas a perder…

Gee people are mean. I found in her WIKIPEDIA entry a note calling her a drag queen. I guess I will edit that out.
Also, as I mentioned she did take care of her mother who had breast cancer.

That sense of style and of fun is what Queen wants to share with those girls that have found inspiration in Martha Ivelisse Pesante, who overcame an impoverished background to take care of her mother Santa and five younger siblings; fought prejudice in what is still a male-dominated musical genre, and rose to become the star that she is today (the Ivy, pronounced“eevee,” comes from Ivelisse).

“I’ve been working with Ivy for almost 10 years now, since the release of En mi imperio (In My Kingdom), her first solo album, and what I most admire about her is her sense of responsibility” says from Puerto Rico George Velázquez, Queen’s executive assistant. “She has encountered many obstacles in life, and yet, she has always surmounted them gracefully.”

Ivy Queen doesn’t wallow in selfpity as she talks about her difficult childhood years, when her family experienced hunger and her parent’s divorce. More recently, her mother fought breast cancer. And her own marriage to longtime partner and producer Omar Navarro collapsed, providing Queen with material for her music: how to pick up the pieces of one’s life and move on.

And move forward she has. As befitting her diva profile, Queen herself has become more polished and glamorous. Butch-like street wear gave way to sexier outfits; breast augmentation built confidence; and her “they-are-so-long-howcan- she-hold-anything” four-inch polished fingernails went short.

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