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i havent bothered with punctuation, sorry

ph1

do men(or ANYONE) respect women who fuck?
sure we hear songs of appreciation for sexually active and attractive women
but does that appreciation carry over
should it matter

when pussy, not sex you will note) is a commodity it does on the one hand, signal that we consider it a thing of value

and there are valid reasons why a woman may want her shit to be considered value as in many cultures, ones sexual availability and fertility were al a woman had to offer (we SEEN as having to offer) it makes some sense because without a doubt, sexual activity has historically been more risky for women than men. a man can fuck and go, a woman runs the risk of pregnancy and bearing and caring for a child.she has a lot of potential material and opportunity costs, compared to almost none for a man. (men will say that they may have to pay child support. even now that is not a sure thing and lets not simpyl consider here and now, but human history. only one parent can disappear and abandon an unborn child)

so expecting a downpayment or some earnest money, a retainer so to speak, for having sex makes sense for women.

however seeing pussy as a commodity to be traded puts women at a disadvantage in these times

We have a problem with men carping that they want women who arent demanding.
men who would like sex with no strings; free sex.the value of an object, or the PRICE of an object is not innate or inherent. price is a function of demand (and supply). somnething is worth what someone else is willing to pay for it.
this puts women in a bind. a woman who, for one reason or another is willing to engage in free sex (she doesnt want to be married, doesnt need money, has no desire for children or even a relationship) is on the one hand “providing” men with what they want, free pussy.
so many men will be pleased and seek out such women for the free sex.

how many times have we all heard someone say “he only wants her for sex?” what is the problem with that exactly? if all she wants is dick, is there something wrong with him wnting her only for pussy?

well,since sex is not seen as a mutally enjoyable activity so much as a transaction, the woman is seen as , um, getting the short end of the stick. she is “getting” a worthless item (dick) in exchange for a valuable commodity (pussy). there are few people who are able to truly see a woman who has sex with a man who wants he only for sex and offering her nothing but sex, as not being taken advantage of or exploited.

So 1. Woman is not respected by the man or society as a whole because she has willingly allowed herself to be exploited and cheated.

Additionally, even a man who wants free sex has a hard time letting go of the notion that pussy is a commodity.Heis glad to get it free, but does he consider himself being part of a mutually pleasurable activity or as someone who got over and got something for nothing.Usually it is the latter. People assume that price and worth are the same thing. THe lower the price of something, the lower they believe the worth to be.

2. Women who give pussy away are assumed to have pussy that has no value.Therefor the woman herself is seen as having no or little value.

These are the choices, usually it isnt one or the other but a mixture of two.You are either a fool for giving away something value. Or you are not a fool, but simply have no value.

It irritates me greatly when I hear peple say, “she just gave it away”, “she gave him some’. It is as if pussy is not only a commodity but finite, and every bit of snatch snatched from her diminishes her stock of pussy.

Tonight I think I will do dancing. I remember what someone said about a friend who “let men rub on her”. Funny isnt it, her breasts and buttocks are being fondled. I would say tat she is the one receiving pleasure. His hand is being stimulated, her erogenous zones are. I’d say she was the one who got lucky, not him. But remember, pussy is a commodity. By allowing him to touch her she was “giving away” something that she should have been exchanging. And dick isnt a commodity, remember, so she has to exchange it for love or money or at least a drink and a promise to see a movie one day.

It also reduces woman to a nonsexual being. If dick has no value in the genital market, then one logical assumption is because there is no demand for it. (Or that the supply is really really really great. Which it is, any woman can get some.)If there is no female demand for dick what does this say about our perceptions of women’s desire? That we are simply owners of something men want, but that we ourselves are not sexual beings who can want and desire phallus? If I fuck a man, why is HE not the one getting used? Why does no one say that he has given away his goodies?

I for one, am sick of it!
Let me now address the issue of “respect”. What do people mean by that? What does it mean when we say, “If you give it up too easily, men won’t respect you. People won’t respect you.” Why should women care?

There are, as I see it, 2 issues. The first is of desirability. The second is of respect.

When people say that a man won’t respect you, the bottom line is that he wont WANT you. He won’t want you for anything other than sex. You are desirable as a sex object but not as relationship material. A ho, not a housewife, someone that a man wont take home to his mother.

Should this matter? I will use myself as an example since I can speak knowlegably and honestly about my feelings, and can only guess about those of other women. If I meet a man and we have sex the first night and then he decides he no longer has interest in me how should I feel? If all I wanted was sex and all he wanted was sex, if it ends there I see no reason to be upset. It is entirely possible that a man and I can have a mutual sexual attraction yet for myriad reasons have no interest in launching or continuing a relationship.If we entered into this honestly and neither had ulterior motives or secretly desired more, its fine. Why SHOULD he want me? Why should I want him?

If he and I have sex on the first date and SOLELY because of this he rejects me as relationship material, that can be unpleasant. I see where men say that if a woman gives it up too soon, she is forever nothing but fuck material for them. How very insulting. HE too had sex with her on the first date, why is she now beneath him? No pun intended.Are they not equally lacking in whatever it is the man wishes the woman to have? Why would he say she should not expect him to take her home to mom, as if she would desire to meet the mother of some man who was a slut and gave it up the first night.

Why a grown woman should have to pretend to not like a man,have to be coy and play cat and mouse games baffles me.

I know men who have had quadruple the partners I have had who still look down on women who have a lot of partners. I hate the hypocrisy.So if a man were to reject me solely because of the body count,as I call it, I would find it unsettling if he had more partners than I had and considered it acceptable because he was male. If he hadn’t, I’d take into consideration that we have different views on sexuality, and I wouldnt be hurt, I’d consider us a bad match due to different values.

So as far as desirability is concerned, I would not let it bother me- either he and I arent ready or desiring of a relationship and he is free to not want me anymore, or he doesnt desire me because I was easy and his small minded hypocrisy would be such a turn off that I’d be glad to be rid of him. On a societal level, I think the whole idea of “damaged goods” needs to end. I mean come on, men talk about women being doorknobs and bikes. They look down on the woman they ran a train on, but don’t seem to think ill of the men who lined up to be #8 and come after 7 of their buddies. Right.

On a larger scale, respect of one’s peers is important. Women lose jobs because of perceptions about their sexuality.They lose their children in custody cases. Their kids are teased. I mean, hell, “hijo de puta”, “son of a bitch” it seems our worst epithets refer not to the flaws of the person we are insulting, but to the sexual morals of their mothers.
Society isn’t merely content to punish women, but their families too. Fortunately in the US honor killings aren’t a big deal. But we do seem to turn a blind eye to rape and mistreatment of women who have lost our respect by being too sexually free.

So yes, we should care for those reasons.

People ask me when I say these things, what about MY girls? What would i teach them? Would I want them to be sluts and whores? Freaks? Descaras? Gatas? Locas? Bandoleras? Nasty Girls?

My elder daughter is 13. I will NOT teach her to guard her vagina as if it were the Queen’s jewels. I will teach her that people are often backwards, provincial and extremely prudish. And that as much as possible she should avoid dealing with men who feel that her pussy is (y’all HATE me using that word to refer to my child’s girl regions, don’t you?) a commodity to be traded and that, by extension, they can one day own and control. I will tell her that there are men and women who will not respect her if she has sex without demanding proper payment, whether it be in the form of material things or commitment; but that she is absolutely not obligated to demand compensation.That cultural norms are just that, cultural.And that sometimes we feel the best thing to do is what we feel is right and feel regret that those around us dont share those values.

quite by accident, i found this online
interesting-
http://ohellnawlblog.com/newohnblog/2009/04/24/open-thread-one-partner-away-from-whoredom-and-one-trick-away-from-pro/

updated 5/16/2009
I found this on Salon.com this morning and it resonated with me.

The Virginity Fetish- Salon.Com

So, what’s so harmful about the idea of women “losing” their virginity?

It means that we’ve lost something that we can’t get back. It ties us, and our morality, to our bodies in this way that makes me really uncomfortable. You don’t hear people talking about men “losing it” in quite the same way.

For a man it’s an accomplishment, not something lost?

Right. As a woman, you have something of value and you’re supposed to hang on to it for as long as you possibly can until you get an appropriately shiny ring to “give it up for.” There’s real commodification there.

What do you think about the young woman who auctioned off her virginity?

I don’t know why we’re so surprised by it. This is going to sound terrible, but that’s essentially the same thing the abstinence movement is saying: “Hold off until you can auction off your virginity to the person with the biggest ring.” It’s really the same thing, only done in a more explicit and economically honest way.

Right, “I’m already a fallen woman, so why not have fun?”

So, here’s a pressing question: Is it possible nowadays to be both the wife and the whore? [Cracks up] I mean, is there a way to embrace both of those roles — to be the committed wife and the sexually driven woman?

Within your relationship you can do whatever you want. But I don’t know if there is a way, culturally, to do that. I’m racking my brain trying to see if there are any examples. I don’t know that there are.

I’m thinking about Maxim-style celebrities, and I can’t think of any who are sexual and respected in a real way.

No, I can only think of sex symbols who are respected in a guys-wanna-fuck-her way. Maybe Angelina Jolie. But she’s an oddity.

Well, that’s a depressing note to end on.

I’m gonna go out and have a drink.

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“Do not assume that she who seeks to comfort you now, lives untroubled among the simple and quiet words that sometimes do you good. Her life may also have much sadness and difficulty, that remains far beyond yours. Were it otherwise, she would never have been able to find these words.”

Ranier Maria Rilke
ittybitty

I love the Speaking of Faith Podcasts. I listen to them on Mondays when work is full of drudgery and rather boring.

I particularly liked this one.
http://speakingoffaith.publicradio.org/programs/2008/listening_generously/

I find Dr. Remen’s voice soothing. This episode was right on time for me, as I had been puzzling over my role in the lives of friends, family, pets and even strangers as an advice giver, caretaker and modern version of an Old Wise Woman. You know the type- the one with the advice, who feeds the birds, takes in strays, plucks herbs from her garden to concoct folk remedies for the ill and so forth. ME of all people.My life is a an example of what NOT to do!

Yet people seek me out, they confide in me. They tell me things that they have no business sharing! I rarely have good advice on how to solve the problems. And my own life can be such a hell that I laugh at the idea of people coming to me with problems. Thats like hiring a broke financial advisor. Yet, people are drawn to me. And all I can think is that because of my belief that “everyone has a story”, that there is no cause to be rude or ugly to people because of your mood, because you have NO IDEA of what is going on in the life of the other person, I treat all people kindly.

I take in dogs, cats, feed birds, old people, kids and the handicapped often stop me in public to ask for help or just to talk. And I always wonder WHY? What is it they see that lets them know that its ok, that I will be receptive? Maybe they dont know, but since I always stop and listen, they keep talking. It can, when I am very tired, be a burden. But usually it isn’t. It pleases me. It takes my mind off my troubles. I want sanctuary. I want a haven. I want love and compassion.

There is an irony to me providing to others that which I do not have.I imagine that one should be at peace to give peace, should be not lonely to ease loneliness. Kind of like money, why would you ask someone broke for money and how can a broke person give money away? But I suppose this speaks to my nature. If someone asks me for something that no one has given me, I find some or make some and share it.No one has created a safe haven for me, but in creating a safe haven for my kids and pets, I too get to enjoy it. No one reassures me, but when I reassure others, I get to experience “reassurance”. I may not be receiving it, but I am experiencing it.

At the time I heard this was recovering from my first bout of diverticulitis which coincided with a diagnosis of diverticulosis. WHAT? Sorry doc, I dont need to hear anything involving the words “colon” or “resection”. I was OK yesterday, how can you tell me today that my intestines are permanently damaged? Im not even 40 and I have to manage this for the rest of my life??? So hearing this woman who had been through way more digestive difficulties than I had was inspiring- she manages and has done so for a long time.

Some highlights taken from the transcript of the show.

I loved the telling of the story of her grandfathers telling of this story. I am not religious, but I found some meaning in this, it resonated with me. We cannot alone right the wrongs of the world, but perhaps each of us can do our part to dig down into the muck and find a piece of the light and put our little piece of the puzzle in place. And in time, if we all do so, things will be ok.

Dr. Remen: Yes, exactly. Actually, Krista, this was my fourth birthday present, this story. In the beginning there was only the holy darkness, the Ein Sof, the source of life. And then, in the course of history, at a moment in time, this world, the world of a thousand thousand things, emerged from the heart of the holy darkness as a great ray of light. And then, perhaps because this is a Jewish story, there was an accident, and the vessels containing the light of the world, the wholeness of the world, broke. And the wholeness of the world, the light of the world was scattered into a thousand thousand fragments of light, and they fell into all events and all people, where they remain deeply hidden until this very day.

Now, according to my grandfather, the whole human race is a response to this accident. We are here because we are born with the capacity to find the hidden light in all events and all people, to lift it up and make it visible once again and thereby to restore the innate wholeness of the world. It’s a very important story for our times. And this task is called tikkun olam in Hebrew. It’s the restoration of the world.

This is regarding the role of healers. I have experienced a few losses. The worst and primary issue of my life as parent has been the autism of my son.So many professionals, when presented with a problem, want only to solve the “problem”, they don’t see past it to the people. About the time that the above pictured child was born, my son was having behavioral issues and inpatient hospitalization was a possibility. I spoke to a social worker at the hospital, who when informed of this, said “Well, whats the problem, why are you upset? He’s been causing problems, now he will be in the hospital so you should be glad”
“Would you say that if he had cancer?”
“He doesn’t have cancer”
“My child has an illness that makes him difficult for me to care for and it is a burden. And his illness is worsening and he has to be hospitalized. If he were at home with cancer and I could no longer administer home care and he required hospitalization would you see this as a Good Thing? Or would you understand that regardless of the nature of the problem, no parent wants their child’s condition to worsen to the point where he cannot be at home?”

He could not understand why I was upset. My child may have to be sent to a hospital, for weeks, possibly out of town. My husband is deployed and I am alone with 4 kids. And this is what I get? Am I not human, am I in some way less deserving of sympathy than other parents? Not only are you not supportive or understanding of my pain and fear, but you practically mock me and are derisive. Because my son is autistic and I am trying to get help for what are some very challenging behavioral issues, you cannot see beyond your beliefs to the truth. And you think I just dont like the child, that he is a pain in the ass, that I don’t want to be bothered, that he is a burden to me. You have heard all of my cries for help as, “Please free me from the burden of dealing with this” and now that an option has come that will free me, you scoff at my pain.

I, of course, ratted him out to the PTB at the hospital. Insensitive fucker.

I find that many professionals when faced with something for which there is no cure, become frustrated. They can even become angry at the patients or parents for having needs that the pros cannot meet. It was pretty common for them to voice frustration with me because I would continually dismiss their suggestions. It wasn’t that I wasnt trying or cooperating, its that I’d been doing this a LONG time and we’d already tried everything mentioned. But sometimes they would kill the messenger rather than say, “It really sucks that I cant think up something- anything new to try”.

Another approach was to simply deny that it was a big deal. Some of them were so “cure oriented” that they were incapable of handling a situation that did not end with them vanquishing the problem.

I learned to tell those who would listen- “I have accepted this. This is my life. There are things for which there are no cure. Please stop trying to find ways to make it better. Please stop trying to tell me it isn’t that bad. It won’t get better, it will get worse. And IT IS THAT BAD.And thats ok.I don’t need you to make it better, I need you to help us learn to live with Bad.”

Dr. Remen: No one is comfortable with loss. Being that we’re a technological culture, our wish or our first response — let’s put it this way: Our first response to loss is try and fix it. When we are in the presence of a loss that cannot be fixed, which is a great many losses, we feel helpless and uncomfortable and we have a tendency to run away, either emotionally or actually distance ourselves. Yeah. And fixing is too small a strategy to deal with loss, you know.

Ms. Tippett: Right.

Dr. Remen: What we teach the students is something very simple.

Ms. Tippett: The medical students?

Dr. Remen: Yeah. We teach them the power of their presence, of simply being there and listening and witnessing another person and caring about another person’s loss, letting it matter. Letting it matter. We do six hours on loss, two three-hour sessions, and the students have a very simple instruction, which is, they are asked to remember a story of loss from their own lives, and loss — let’s put it differently — a time when things didn’t go their way, when they were disappointed, when they lost a dream or a relationship or even a family member, a death, you know?

Ms. Tippett: Mm-hmm.

Dr. Remen: They get to choose that, and then they spend six hours in small groups talking about their loss. And the group has one instruction: Listen generously. Now, prior to this exercise, we do another exercise with them where we ask them to remember a time of disappointment and loss and to remember someone who helped them. What did that person do? What did they say? What message did they deliver that was helpful to them at a hard time in their lives? And they write these things down very concretely. And then we ask them to remember a time of loss in their lives and remember someone who wanted to help them but was not of help to them. What did that person do and say, and what message did they deliver, and how did they deliver the message? And they write that down.

And then we make a big list. ‘What are all the things that helped?’ Right? ‘Listened to me for as long as I needed to talk.’ ‘Talked to me in the same way after my loss as they did before my loss.’ Right? ‘Sat with me.’ ‘Touched me.’ ‘Brought me food.’ Right? What were the things that didn’t help? ‘Gave me advice without knowing the full story.’ Right? ‘Made me feel that the loss was my fault.’ So we gather up the wisdom about what helps loss to heal from a group of about a hundred students and faculty, and it’s all very simple stuff. And the only instruction is: Listen generously.

This is pretty cool. I had no intention of telling personal stories, but what the hell, it fit!

P.S.
The autistic child remained at home with me for another 3 years until the combination of puberty, increased aggression and him getting bigger than me made it impossible for us to all live safely in the same house. By the time he left, and I had to FIGHT, for him to get a placement, we had all become prisoners in the house and it wasnt safe. So the insinuation that I was trying to get rid of him rankled. I fought to keep him at home at a great personal cost, it probably cost me my marriage and it took me over a year to regain my health. Not to mention that I sacrificed my chances to work and have a career. And it was a hollow victory.He was the person who had been in my life the longest, my firstborn. The void left is immense.

My daughter and I were devastated and my family of 3 has yet to recover. After the situation was resolved and he got services, there was absolutely NOTHING for me. No support system, no helping hand, no listening ear, no shoulder to cry on. Everyone is so focused on “fixing autistic child” that no one takes the time to wonder, “How is this woman who lost her child? These sisters who lost their brother? What happens to this family?”

So for anyone out there who may be a pro- take heed. Remember there is more to illness than the illness.

*photo is of me and my youngest child.born itty bitty and still itty bitty. 5.5 years ago on a thursday her older sister fell off her bike and hit her head. i spent hours in the ER then in an ambulance driving 2 hours to a childrens hospital,slept on a cot, rode a bus 2 hours back home. got home, rested, my water broke, had a baby in the wee hours Sunday and then the following Friday got my staples out, took the older girl to get her head checked again and the oldest child to the doctor because he had strep throat. when you’re a mom you cant help but be a healer!*

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Interesting take on the spanglish!

http://www.myspace.com/billsantiagocomedy

An excerpt from his book,offa the website

http://www.pardonmyspanglish.com/book-excerpts2.htm

Spanglish Rule #60: Wherever there’s junction, Spanglish will function.

Listen to Spanglish closely, y te fijarás que a lot of the switching tends to happen justo cuando one phrase or fragment or clause, or other unit of speech or thought, links or transitions to the next. (Think commas, periods, prepositions, and conjunction words!)

Aim to switch at these lingual encrucijadas, intuitively reconciling the grammars del inglés y el español for perfect fit and maximum flow en lo que brincas back and forth. Trust me, una vez que you get the hang of it, you’ll wonder por qué tardaste tanto to start doing it.

Each one of these junctures can function as a revolving door into either language.
Por ejemplo, you can be going along in English, English—blah blah blah—then throw in a pero, which instantly takes you nicely into español. Or you might be speaking en español, español —blah blah blah—y de repente te tiras un “but,” que te conduce muy fácilmente into Esnglish.

Por cierto, that’s exactly how Spanglish actually sounds to people who don’t understand both languages. Half the time it’s just mucho blah blah blah.

Spanglish Rule #33: No te preocupes, be trigger happy!

Language switches are often instinctual or conditioned responses to Spanglish stimuli. Let these triggers ping and pong you between los universos paralelos de English and Spanish.

Estos llamados triggers are found en un sin número de variedades. They can be emotional, psychological, physical, contextual, aesthetic, environmental, or simplemente practical in nature.

Essentially, they cause linguistic reflex actions al estilo Pavlov, just like blinking or salivating or telling a telemarketer que no fastidie más, ¡maldito sea! Often, once a speaker is triggered to switch into English or Spanish, he or she will stay in that language until triggered to switch again.

Veamos algunos ejemplos.

Ejemplo #1

He forgot my birthday. Ni siquiera una llamada.

(emotional trigger, switch prompted by jolt of indignation)

Ejemplo # 2

Yo nunca me pierdo porque I mapquest everything.

(practical trigger, switch prompted by decision to use tech-savvy lingo)*

*Note: the switch into English here is made on the word “I” in anticipation of the internet term “mapquest,” used here as a verb. This Spanglish speaker knew better than to say “yo mapquest everything” or “yo mapquesteo everything”—both of which would have sounded weird and much more unnatural. A good Spanglish ear won’t permit this kind of desgracia. So the speaker switches in such a way to accommodate the target English term and facilitate natural conversational flow via a compatible grammatical route.

I know you had no idea there was that much going on. Es que nosotros Spanglish speakers somos muy complicados!

Ejemplo # 3

That was last week. No me hable de last week.

(psychological trigger, switch prompted by desire to move on from the past/then switch back prompted by inability to let go)

Ejemplo # 4

Tan pronto yo siento dolor, I pop a Tylenol.

(over-the-counter trigger, switch prompted by migraine)

Ejemplo # 5

“¡Mira, ahí lo dice! Wrong Way!”

(visual trigger, switch prompted by wish not to hit oncoming traffic)

Spanglish Rule #110: Thou shalt conjugate English words into Spanish.

This is taking bastardization to the next level, and sin lugar a dudas it is one of the fluent Spanglish speaker’s most basic instincts. Almost as if it were involuntary, nosotros Spanglish speakers kidnapeamos English words from their realms and slap Spanish verb tenses on the end of them, como si no tuviera nada de extraño.

Lo hacemos as if we didn’t know they weren’t palabras españolas to begin with!

Pero esta costumbre makes us more fun to janguear with.

In case you didn’t recognize it, janguear is Spanglish for “to hang out.” We really make this one our own. First we change the spelling to reflect Spanish pronunciación. And then we conjugate the hell out of the bastard, without asking anybody any permission.

Yo jangueo, tú jangueas, él/ella janguea, nosotros jangueamos, ellos janguean. . . . And if addressing upper-crust Spanglishistas, you might even say, vosotros jangueáis.

What’s more, the word has been adopted into the official municipal lexicon in some Los Angeles neighborhoods, where I have actually seen street signs to discourage loitering, that say, “No Janguear.” And notice that janguear is used only for that one connotation of “to hang.” You would never greet anybody with, “Hey, how’s it jangueando?”
Now, you can also conjugate Spanish words to give them English endings, but no examples come to mind. Estoy totally blanking. I’ll have to get pensar-ing on this one.

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“Living lightly is the juice one gets from knowing that real skill and creativity in life can be more accurately measured by how little one can consume and still genuinely enjoy life rather than by how much one can buy, use up, and throw away. Using ingenuity to fix something instead of replacing it gives a much greater sense of accomplishment than doing tedious or stressful paid work to replace it…”

http://www.scn.org/lightly/

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Excerpted from “Beyond Vietnam”
Martin Luther King, Jr

April 4th 1967

A true revolution of values will soon cause us to question the fairness and justice of many of our past and present policies. On the one hand, we are called to play the Good Samaritan on life’s roadside, but that will be only an initial act. One day we must come to see that the whole Jericho Road must be transformed so that men and women will not be constantly beaten and robbed as they make their journey on life’s highway. True compassion is more than flinging a coin to a beggar. It comes to see that an edifice which produces beggars needs restructuring.

A true revolution of values will soon look uneasily on the glaring contrast of poverty and wealth. With righteous indignation, it will look across the seas and see individual capitalists of the West investing huge sums of money in Asia, Africa, and South America, only to take the profits out with no concern for the social betterment of the countries, and say, “This is not just.” It will look at our alliance with the landed gentry of South America and say, “This is not just.” The Western arrogance of feeling that it has everything to teach others and nothing to learn from them is not just.

A true revolution of values will lay hand on the world order and say of war, “This way of settling differences is not just.” This business of burning human beings with napalm, of filling our nation’s homes with orphans and widows, of injecting poisonous drugs of hate into the veins of peoples normally humane, of sending men home from dark and bloody battlefields physically handicapped and psychologically deranged, cannot be reconciled with wisdom, justice, and love. A nation that continues year after year to spend more money on military defense than on programs of social uplift is approaching spiritual death.

America, the richest and most powerful nation in the world, can well lead the way in this revolution of values. There is nothing except a tragic death wish to prevent us from reordering our priorities so that the pursuit of peace will take precedence over the pursuit of war. There is nothing to keep us from molding a recalcitrant status quo with bruised hands until we have fashioned it into a brotherhood.

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I shall be quick.

A friend, a few years back, complained of the tendency of certain people to refer to women as ‘mami”. She hated it. She felt as if it were limiting, as if as a woman the only thing she could ever be or aspire to be was a mother.

I said that i understood her POV. But that when evaluating the culture of another, do so by their yardstick not yours.

She was in Miami and a gringa blanquita (white american), so I am guessing the people using the terms were Cubans.

I wondered if she would take offense at her man calling her “baby”. Why is THAT ok? Because it is gender neutral? Because she is used to it?

She said that language tells you about culture and she didnt like what the use of the word “mami” implied. Well, she had no kids. I have kids. So Im used to being called mami.Doesnt bug me. So what DOES it imply, again- that women are limited in their choices to being nothing but mothers, that  latin culture is so machista that they cant even conceive (no pun intended) of women in other roles.

Points taken.

But, language tells you about culture. In both cases, using baby or mami as a term of endearment reflect that both cultures (lets just say there are 2 cultures to make it simple today,ok?) recognize the mother-child bond as the primary one, as thes strongest and most ideal. The ultimate expression of love, tenderness and intimacy is to refer to your partner as being part of the mother child dyad. (DID I FUCKING TYPE THAT?? *smh*).

It is QUITE American that we would speak of our beloved as a “baby”, because in the US we coddle children, we love them, adore them, spoil them and we worship youth. But, let us not confuse issues. The people using this term arent generally from the US. THey are from a culture where women, though they do have to deal with some shit, are respected and revered and adored as mothers. (I didnt say wives, I said mothers) Mami runs the show, mami runs the house, mami slaps her sons around and keeps them in line even when they are big hulking middle aged brutes. To be Mami is to be the one loved and adored beyond reason, but with the additional perk of being looked up to- venerated and respected.

Im no old fashioned person. I also happen to be a woman, I birthed 3 kids and have spent a grand total of 10 years either breastfeeding or lactating. About a quarter of my life. So you  know, I dont think of the role of mother as being one that is shameful. I certainly understand not wanting biology to be destiny, not wanting to be barefoot pregnant and confined to the kitchen. But, would a woman ever say “I hate to be called Queen, as if the only thing a woman were good for is to rule a country”,just to think of an example.

ONLY a mother. Nothing more than a mother. Well, the Queen Mother doesnt seem to mind. The Queen of England has whelped a few pups. Benazir Bhutto had some kiddies. Being a mami didnt limit them.  And MY GOD, the woman who said this was a pagan. For her, being called Mami should have been the ultimate compliment.

That it wasnt, I said, says less about the word mami and latin culture than it does about her own culture. You hear an insult in the compliment, because what woman in the US A would want to be a mami? Mami the workhorse, the unappreciated, the dog, the mule, the abandoned, the forgotten, the poor, she who is good for nothing but breeding. A culture where women in order to be appreciated in the workplace have had to bind their breasts and dress as men and act as men. We think we are so advanced, yet for a woman to get the same respect as a man she has to practically BE a man.

There is something to be said for cultures that have as their ideal, even if an unmet ideal, the image of a loving, kind, loyal mother. Who have as the ultimate recipient of their love, the one who they adore and respect and obey even! Maybe its just me, but Id rather be the mother than the baby. La que manda,you know? As a woman, an adult, if I were to find such things offensive, I would chafe much more under the paternalistic infantlization and implication that to be loved I have to remain a helpless dependent powerless opinionless subjugatged subordinate mewling puking infant, than the implication that as a woman I was doomed to be nothing more than a mother.

But, again, this is America where we worship youth, so I get why the idea of being someone’s baby is appealing. Me. I dont want to be a baby. I like being Mami. I like being Mamita, a perfect amalgam of respect and affection. My ex used to call me Ma, and if it was good enough for Caroline Ingalls it was good enough for me!! She wasnt Cuban, btw,

To wrap it up-If being called a mother is an insult, just maybe it says more about the role and value of mothers in your society than it does the machismo of the one “insulting” you.

*after writing this i hit my normal internet haunts and found the perfect word, by happenstance.this is and has been one of my major complaints for years.  here goes

KINDERGARCHY

http://www.weeklystandard.com/Content/Public/Articles/000/000/015/161yutrk.asp

In America we are currently living in a Kindergarchy, under rule by children. People who are raising, or have recently raised, or have even been around children a fair amount in recent years will, I think, immediately sense what I have in mind. Children have gone from background to foreground figures in domestic life, with more and more attention centered on them, their upbringing, their small accomplishments, their right relationship with parents and grandparents. For the past 30 years at least, we have been lavishing vast expense and anxiety on our children in ways that are unprecedented in American and in perhaps any other national life. Such has been the weight of all this concern about children that it has exercised a subtle but pervasive tyranny of its own. This is what I call Kindergarchy: dreary, boring, sadly misguided Kindergarchy.

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One drop don’t end the drought. The struggle is not yet over. We still have far to go and we can go backwards.Lets not lose the ground we have gained, not be lulled into complacency by small concessions while the larger problems loom larger than ever.

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/chi-young-lords-22-sep22,0,63351.story

Jose “Cha-Cha” Jimenez returned to his Chicago roots on Sunday, speaking to an audience of more than 200 people gathered in a modest Humboldt Park church about the role played by a one-time street gang, the Young Lords, as a force for community and political activism during the turbulent 1960s.

As part of a program remembering the Young Lords, which Jimenez helped form into a community activist group in 1968, speakers said some of the issues the Young Lords dealt with still exist today.

Their brand of community activism is needed now more than ever, speakers said.

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